Mary Vin Rose

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How To Be Unbothered

 

How many times have you said, “I’m unbothered" or "I don't care”? The real question is, how many times have you truly meant it? If you’re like me, you are a very passionate person. When someone or something hurts me, I tend to dwell on it. I can analyze one situation for days or even weeks. I’m so thankful to my friends that I can be 100% honest with. It’s because of those friends I have learned it’s okay to say “hey you know that hurt me.”

However, that doesn’t mean the person or the situation will change. It is accepting some situations will not change and boy do I struggle with that! If someone comes to me and says, “Mary, you hurt me”, guess what? I’m going to change whatever behavior hurt them. My intent is to NEVER hurt anyone. However, I am human, so I may do something that offends someone. I believe no one’s hurt is more or less important.

So I’m going to share what I learned so far. To be unbothered does not mean someone or something didn’t wrong you. It doesn’t mean you should suppress your feelings. It means once you express your hurt, you let it go! You say “I’m releasing you, so I sleep unbothered, I eat unbothered and I dance unbothered.” Getting to a true place of being unbothered is hard! I want to be able to get to a place where someone hurts me and I say, “hey, you hurt me” and accept the fact that person may never change! Instead, I say, but why? Why are you doing this? Why don’t you care? Why must it be like this? But Why? See, I want peace. I want everyone and everything around me to have good vibes.

Whelp, you know who the queen of unbothered is? My Grandmamma Mary. This lady can be in an hour long heated debate and two seconds later say, “Why we are even talking about this?” and change the subject. She continues on with her new conversation like she wasn't just heated.
So recently I saw my grandma, she said to me,

“Bay-be what’s wrong?” in her sweet southern accent. I lied and said "Nothing".

She took off her glasses and popped my hand

“That’s for lying to your Grandmamma” 

So I finally told her the situation. In true Grandmamma Mary style, she leaned back in her wheelchair and said,

“Humph, child I thought it was something serious” and she went back to her crossword puzzle and sipping her afternoon tea. She looked
back up and saw that I was still hurting. The next few words are so important.

Baby, if someone explains themselves that’s nice! Most people aren’t that giving. It’s about their feelings, their wants and their desires. The sooner you learn to forgive and provide yourself with closure, the better your mental and spiritual health will be.

Boom! Just like that, Grandma Mary dropped the mic! Those words changed my life! The only problem is the way my pride is set up if someone crosses the line it’s hard for me just be like, “okay you showed your true colors, I’m out”. But as my grandma reminded me ever so sweetly,

“Girl, people are only going think about ya for 2.5 seconds then they will get wrapped up in themselves again. So don’t waste any more time thinking about someone who ain’t thinking twice about you. Your time is precious, treat it as such.”

This is dedicated to anyone who struggles with providing closure for themselves, extending forgiveness and wants to learn to be unbothered.
I am with you boo boo. Lol. I'm learning to heal, forgive and let go!

Ciao for now, xo
Mary